When I was 18, I was participating in some illegal, underage drinking with my dear friends, Meg and Natalie. We were at Meg's Mom's house taking turns doing shots of Bacardi Razz. (Never a good idea) I am pretty sure I drank an ocean full of that drink during that particular year.
Do you know what the absolute worst movie to watch while you are drunk is?
Requiem For A Dream.
The movie (plus drinking) made me so nauseous that I was laying on the floor to recover.
Now, OJ (Meg's Mom a.k.a the most wonderful person alive) is obsessed with lighthouses. She has lighthouse everything.
As I was laying on the floor, I realized that I was laying on a huge rug with the image of a lighthouse on the beach next to an ocean on it. I move myself so I am laying on the "beach".
"Hey! Guys! Look at me. I am tanning on the beach. Look!"
They ignore me.
I roll over.
"Guys. Help. I am drowning!! I am in the ocean and I am drowning!!"
They ignore me.
I sit up.
"Fuck you guys! I was drowning and you didn't even try to help me. I could have died."
Later on that night, Natalie got pretty sick. Being the wonderful drunk friend that I am, I went to get her a glass of water. I returned with a tiny teacup full of water. In my drunken state, I had somehow unlocked the china cabinet and retrieved the tiniest glass that ever existed.
The moral of this story is that I am an awesome friend even when I am drunk and that my friends are dick holes.
Every crowd needs one.
ReplyDeleteFact.
DeleteTo ignore you when you're drowning! How dare they. The same thing happened to me when I was 10, only it was pool with real water. Assholes.
ReplyDeleteYour friends are way bigger dickholes then mine.
DeleteHahaha. A tiny teacup of water somehow doesn't seem like a solution to drunk sickness... but you get bonus points for making the experience classy and fancy.
ReplyDeleteI try to keep it classy in all situations.
DeleteMaybe you should have pretended be driving a boat heading straight for the lighthouse. But that would have required a lot more effort than rolling around and probably wouldn't have produced any better results.
ReplyDeleteAll I could do way roll around on the ground. Being a boat would have been super difficult.
DeleteThe best movie to watch while drunk is Team America World police. I figured I'd share that since you informed me of the worst movie to watch drunk.
ReplyDeleteThat was so nice of you to get a tiny tea cup of water! Keeping it classy.
The first time I ever watched that movie was with my father. It was super awkward and he turned it off at the puppet sex scene.
DeleteHaha, Ginny I don't know if I know you but we should be friends. That is a freakin fantastic movie. And Allyssa, had you really been drowning I so would've saved you but I think between you, the movie, and the alcohol, my brain was....confused? Annnnnd, we still don't know how the hell you unlocked that cabinet. The keys were locked in the closet so I wouldn't get in there and break shit haha. You are a drunken McGyver!!
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty talented. You're still a dickhole. You weren't confused. You definitely laughed at me.
DeleteI always thought Fight Club was the worst movie to watch drunk, but you're probably right. Requiem for a Dream has GOT to be worse.
ReplyDeleteThe night I moved into my apartment, we all got pretty hammered and decided it was a good idea to watch Fight Club. Having seen Fight Club a million times, you'd think I'd be able to follow the plot... nope. I just christened my toilet with vomit and my now ex-roommate and ex-boyfriend helped me go to bed. They were my good drunk friends. :) I digress.
I'm sorry that your friends nearly let you drown.
Haha! That's awesome! I would have laughed myself sober if I were your friend.
ReplyDelete