Fuck off, Janet Maslin

Yesterday, Mindy got back from a quick trip to Florida. As is tradition anytime she leaves town (or goes to the grocery store, or Walgreen's, or when I get demanding) she brought me back a present. On the plane down, she was behind a woman who was reading a book review in the NY Times. The book being reviewed was Charles Shield's new biography of Kurt Vonnegut.

Since Mindy knows that I love all things Kurt, she immediately went and bought a paper to give to me. She is so thoughtful and sweet.

Things went terribly wrong once I started reading the review. Essentially, the reviewer, Janet Maslin, took more time insulting Kurt Vonnegut and his works, than actually reviewing the book. Who the fuck does Janet Maslin think she is?

"Mr. Shields provides a good assessment of misconceptions about Vonnegut’s writing. Those impressions persisted throughout his later life, perhaps because the books that followed “Cat’s Cradle,” “The Sirens of Titan,” “God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater” and “Slaughterhouse-Five” became increasingly unreadable."

Unreadable? How many books have you written, Janet Maslin?  Oh, none, cool,that's what I thought.

" 'This is a speech I’ve given a hundred times, but I do it to make money' Mr. Vonnegut told an audience in the days when his charm began to wane "

Bitch. Do you even know what charm is? That man oozed charming out of his pores.  The closest you have ever come to "charm" is that bowl of Lucky Charms you had for breakfast.

And so, I started yelling at the paper. But in the direction of Mindy.

Mindy at this point in time was laying on the couch with a pillow over her head moaning "I knew I should have read it first. I was just so tired last night."